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ThePotatoNewspaper
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Country: United States
State: Hawaii
Metro: Big Island
Expertise: Creating a wholesome blend of absurd stories, vague facts and an overall stretching of the truth in all directions, as well as blatant misuse of syntax and most verbiage.
Industry: Textiles
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/25/2005
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| by Bendy
I pulled this from the news headlines page on Wikitravel-
"Soap Nation Tour kicks off with LA–Mexico cruise
20 March 2009
Fans of ABC's daytime soap operas need not mourn the loss of Super Soap Weekend. It has been replaced with the Soap Nation Tour, a collection of nationwide events designed to interact with fans on a year-round basis, offering greater access to stars in more cities, more often. The 2009 tour kicks off with a three day cruise from Los Angeles to Ensenada, Mexico. Learn more at http://www.rockthesoap.com/."
For some reason, this seems to me like a really good start for "Gilligan's Island II". Anyone in agreement? How different do you think Gilligan's Island would have been if all the characters had been actors and actresses, and soap opera ones at that?!?
ps- Wikitravel.org is awesome; I used it to plan a pretty spectacular trip to St. Louis, and I recommend it to anyone who is looking to plan a small trip like that, or even if you just want to know more about a place! :) | | |
| By : Kari Tequila
To Whom It May Concern:
I am appalled. For 3 years now there has been this, this... newspaper. And to think that we were all friends, or so I thought. Not telling me about this. Acting as if it never existed, until NOW. How dare you all? Agh, so now I add my first post, years after your first posts. I sit in Angela's dwelling under her supervision typing my entry. Which probably would never have happened unless Cow did not feel like joining us tonight. Which she did not come by the way. And now I am waiting for breakfast at almost 1 in the morning (thank you Chris, at least he seems to understand my plight). And now, Angela brings out MST3K, which apparently I am supposed to know about. Which I don't and I don't even know what that abbreviation stands for. Next thing you know someone is going to tell me that I have a twin sister that I never knew about... But until then, I will remain angry about not knowing about this. And hopefully, will be able to find my way back without the help of Angela and her informing me (with shock and awe) about the newspaper. | | |
| By: a very bewildered Cow (read on, and you will be too)
Gary Staton woke up on a Wednesday morning and had a sudden revelation: I don't want my kids anymore. All nine of them.
When he came down the stairs, he saw one of his younger child eating breakfast. The child was eating Coca Puffs.
"I hate that cereal. That will not be acceptable in this house!" the dad cried out. "There will be no Cocoa Puffs. If you want to eat cereal, eat some Wheaties or something. You can't have a breakfast of champions with Cocoa Puffs."
Sound crazy? Even though this is not exactly why the dad decided to disown all nine of his children, one could argue that this is almost as absurd as the actual reason for letting them go.
Apparently the mom died 17 months ago in a hospital from a brain aneurysm, and all of the household duties/bills finally caught up to the dad. So what does he do? He tries to run away from them, of course! What else would anyone do.. c'mon now.
Thanks to a new Safe Haven law in Nebraska, he can drop off all nine of kids to a hospital - legally. Byebye. Nice knowing you. Hope the hospital food is good today.
The child couldn't help it if he likes cocoa puffs, right? Well. They also couldn't help the fact that their mom died 17 months ago, either. No one could. It's not fair to them to not offer them the family that they still DO have. Life deals out unexpected circumstances. Deal with them in a responsible manner - not in a way that allows you to easily get rid of them and avoid the whole thing altogether. Yes, not meeting ends meet and not being able to properly care for the children is a problem... but what about other alternatives? Family perhaps? That could maybe be a better "safe haven" that than hospital with random people they don't know.
I don't know.. sounds to me like this selfish man just wanted his life back. All I have to say is I hope he is enjoying his Wheaties.
Check out an article about Nebraska's law here, and the man's "Wheatie's" craving: http://www.ketv.com/cnn-news/17553170/detail.html | | |
| In case you didn't know..... we are at the bowling alley. And Anger is menacing the Cow. She is very... distraught! Why must she always get menaced? Wow... and now Anger is trying to do the Cow's warble sound.... but failing. Yeah, that's right. Anger is not only good at menacing, she is also good at failing. But Cow is just as good at failing.... but I can't think of what at this moment. OH YES. IT IS... not comment... see, that's what I thought. She just can't fail. Except she is failing at not keeping the screen functioning/lit. Besides that, she just is.... non-failing and stupendous. But in any case, Anger is certainly just as stupendous. She is amazing in every way, especially at MENACING. Anger is also good at finding hot men, especially when they are wearing spiffy vests. Men in vests are... unique. And hot. Uniquely hot. This includes Justin. When HE is wearing a construction vest, look out.. you will want him t o remodel a looooot of your stuff, if you know what I mean. I bet you want your.... living room remodeled. He is very handy with the drywalling, and other handiwork that only the Cow would be knowing of. But enough about Justin.
On to more interesting subjects like stick figures. Angela does a very good impression of one. And no, it does not just involve her standing like one. That is just... too boring, which is not Angela. See, what she does is.... waves her hands in front of her face, in a manner which may or may not indicate things being narrow. Mostly she just looks like an idiot, just like a certain someone named Dead Fish. Except, she is not a certain someone. She is a certain SOMETHING. -bows-
On to other things... how about Halloween? That is always an entertaining time of the year. People try to be something they aren't, basically. And here is the best part - sometimes, people don't even have to dress up for it. Some women attempt to use the holiday as an excuse to dress like whores, when they are them in real life. Even other women, still, try to use the holiday to pretend they are... ahem.. smaller than they are... and they attempt to fit into these said whorish costumes, much to the dismay of all involved. We say nothing in an attempt to be tactful, but what we'd like to say is... GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN, that is NOT necessary for the human eye to behold!!!! Ew.. ew... and ew.
Enough of this grossness. We want to talk about yummy things. Ya know, men, thongs... men IN thongs (maybe.. only if they can pull it off). Another yummy thing is Killians. Funny thing about Killians - when Kelly drinks it, she..... says to her Killians, "YUM YUM YUM YOU'RE DELICIOUS; I LOOOOOVE YOU" and then attempts to pawn it off as she is saying this to people she didn't know were behind her, such as the Walrus or Janitor, or even Janice. But on to men. One man that all of we writers here at The Potato find attractive is Clive "i-want-to-do-you-right-now Owen. Now he is one to look at.. for a very long time. One thing that is particularly fun to do with him as Lauren knows is ride in a Hummer nude. See, they WERE wearing clothing, but then... *ahem* we won't go into that. If you are an avid Potato reader, you will already know what we're talking about. Other men we find attractive include... THE JONAS BROTHERS!!!!! Oh my god... Kevin, Nick, and Joe.. those are some enticing brothers. Also, Kelly likes black men. Aside from black men, she also likes Josh Hartnett attractive, even though Shauna thinks he is beyond that point (meaning, past his peak.... very un-hot). Justin is partial to Johnny Depp, however, he thinks that any man would be attractive in that Pirates of the Caribbean makeup. Even Andrew. Angela likes Zak Effron, wooohooooo. He is definitely on the top of her list. Her words: Zak is so "EFFing hot" (she thinks she is clever when she says this). In reality, she is just turned off by men who wear makeup. She really likes Christian Bale and Milo Ventimiglia. YUM.
Well we are running out of power... AGAIN. So until next time... Stay classy, San Diego.
Thanks for stopping by.
STAY CLASSY
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
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| by: Bendy McBenderson
Semaj Booker has done this before. He's a seasoned flight-hopper, and convicted criminal. He's been involved in a high-speed highway chase, and had previously cut a deal to keep his convictions from being on his record, which after this latest attempt at sneaking on a plane, will probably not happen. He had to stay out of trouble for 12mos, and only got to 9mos. But why is this interesting? Semaj is 10 years old.
His mother, Sakinah, seems to be playing dumb about the whole situation, saying only that Semaj is fearful of a sex offender living near his home. The TSA isn't much better clearly, considering that the boy slipped through security 3 times, and onto planes twice. This most recent time, he was apprehended on the ramp to board the plane. You'd think that if your child is so afraid of a sex offender, that he/she is breaking the law to the extent of having convictions on their record, that you would perhaps move if you couldn't make it clear to the child what their actions mean for their future. You'd also certainly hope that with all the stringent regulation with the TSA, that they would be able to stop one little kid from boarding a plane without a ticket once, let alone twice or almost 3 times.
So what's the moral of the story? uhhh.... you tell me, I've got nothing.
see the original story here:
http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/story/374250.html
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